gwendylyyn's Momaroo

We're Married

Thu, 19 Feb 2009 01:40:16 GMT

Yep, it's true.

On Saturday, February Seventh, at about 12pm, my wonderful fiance' became my wonderful husband. We've been looking forward to it for some time now, but kept not setting a date because we didn't want it to happen too soon and no one show up, didn't know when we could get some time off work, didn't want people to think we were rushing, wanted to make sure he met my parents first, etc. Well, he met my parents... and shortly thereafter, we said damn it all, let's go. He said set a date, I said January 31st. His dad called and said his stepmom would be out of town, and we knew she'd kill us, so we set it for one week later. One week later, everything went off perfectly, despite all the stress I went through leading up to that point. We had somehow gone from a five person guest list, to a thirty + list shortly after setting the date. Unfortunately, my parents could not make it, but they both have plans for things they want to do at a later time with us to make up for it. :p

Will update with some pictures later, but I wanted to get this up here before I forgot to blog about it again. :P

EDIT

Updated with some pictures.

Father-In-Law with Dainaca, Dini, Bryan, Me, Grammy, Bryce with Jamie

The two kids are Bryce's little girls.

Bryan getting nervous because I was taking too long waiting for everyone to sign the guestbook.

Can you tell he's crying? So am I. Totally the greatest vows ever. He said he tried to think of the words, to express his feelings for me, but that the English language pales in comparison. The only words he could speak that would even come close were the words "I love you." It may seem simple to some, but it melted my heart all over again... and I think just about everyone was crying.

My teddy bear. :P

Exchanging our rings, the symbol for everyone to see that we belong to each other for all eternity.

And us making it official.

How young is too young to get married? Why?

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 02:24:50 GMT

I would say there is an age limit here, but eighteen just is not it. There are people at the age of fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and occasionally younger who know exactly what it means to get married and are honestly at the maturity level to be ready for such a decision. Most people are not this way, and of course they have to realize that it could put strain on their other goals in life, but age really should not be the deciding factor in whether or not someone is ready to be married.

I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

Spouses

Wed, 17 Dec 2008 01:59:06 GMT

(Totally Stolen From Tornado Chaser / Mama Fox)

How did you meet your spouse?
I actually met my fiance' when I came to South Carolina to meet the man I'd been 'dating' online for the few months before that. I was on what would be my last summer vacation after graduating from High School and spent most of it in Florida. I took two weeks in the middle to come up to South Carolina. The second day that I was here, we stopped by the gas station where my fiance' and a friend of ours were both working at the time. The first words from our friend were something to the effect of "Oh my god, she IS real!" My fiance' was relatively quiet. I moved here in August of that year. We barely spoke for most of this time, only seeing each other on Saturday evenings when everyone came together to LARP in the park. I got to see plenty of him, of course, but I was with my ex, and happy at the time. As time when on, though, my partner of the time became both mentally and physically abusive. My fiance' began coming over to hang out with us in the evenings, and would sometimes give me a ride out to the park when my ex decided he no longer wished to go out there. In March, the three of us moved into an apartment together. By this time, I already had some odd feelings for my fiance', but chose to ignore them, as I didn't want to ruin the relationship I was deperately trying to fix (with no help from my ex, I might add). I soon found myself with a black eye from my ex, one which he has recently admitted came about because he was, and I quote "Sick of your shit." My fiance' was ready to kill the man, but kept it to himself after promising me he would not hurt him. Things progressed from there. In April, after going to a job application with said black eye, I got a job at Books-A-Million, working with my fiance'. He took me to and from work, as I had no vehicle of my own at the time, and we continued to get closer as time wore on. We eventually had a few makeout sessions which, admittedly, should not have happened at the time, and things came to a rather loud... and somewhat violent, creshendo when my ex came home only an hour after having left for work to find me in my fiance' bedroom. We weren't doing anything, but I had went in there so that I might actually be able to get real sleep for the first time in weeks. Again... something I should not have done at the time.

The following week was a mess. I snuck off to talk with my fiance' twice, knowing full well that I had no intentions of staying with my ex at this point. Believe me, I told him this numerous times, only to have it fall on deaf ears. I was little more than a prisoner in my own home at this point. So, we decided. My fiance', along with two good friends of ours, would come get me while my ex was at work. This all seemed fine until he came home early... again. My fiance' still showed up, despite my cries of "I can't do this, I'm scared." Within a few hours, we had called the cops to keep the peace after I was repeatedly dragged into the bedroom to "talk," and my things were loaded up to head over to my fiance's parents. The next couple weeks were the happiest I had ever been. He told me repeatedly that, should I wish to leave, he would do everything in his power to help me get to wherever I wanted to go, but I had no desire to be gone... and he had no desire for me to leave. We now live in our own apartment with a couple roommates (one of which we barely see due to work and school, and the other of which is a female friend I've known for a few years).

How long did you date before getting married?
It's been eight months thus far. We are engaged, but continue to have so much else going on that it's almost impossible for us to get anything planned. We know we're going to have a small wedding for now, but hope to have a larger wedding later.

How old were you when you got married?
I am currently nineteen and he is twenty-two. He will probably be twenty-three by the time we get married, and there is a chance I'll be twenty by then, if we don't just force everyone to get together soon.

Is your spouse your age? Younger? Older?
My fiance' is three years and four months older.

Did you live together before you got married?
Yes. We've been living together since March.

Name one thing that you and your spouse have in common?
We both love LARPing.

Name one thing that you don't have in common?
I think things through a lot more than he does. I wouldn't say he does things too wildly or anything, but there are definitely times when he could put more thought into things before simply jumping in head first.

Name one thing that your spouse does that makes you fall in love all over again.
He is constantly concerned with how I feel and what I want, even if it means a bit of discomfort for himself. I often see through this, and realize when he doesn't want to do something, and will 'change my mind', but it's still nice to know that he's willing to do whatever it takes to make me happy.

Name one thing that your spouse does that makes you crazy.
He doesn't make it very easy to tell when he's joking, and when he's being serious. We often have stupid arguments over things I think he is truly being ignorant about when, really, he is only kidding around.

Are you happy?
More than I have ever been.

What is your best marriage advice?
Be honest and straight-forward about things, even when you're afraid to do so. Even if it's embarassing, or you're afraid he won't like what you have to say, just get it out there. Otherwise, it's just going to cause problems later on. Don't keep secrets. Hold each other, touch each other, embrace each other... every time you get the chance. Don't let the intimacy fall out of your relationship just because you're busy or stressed. Let him help you! Don't let your pride get in the way of his caring for you.

Stressy Mc. Stressalot

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 12:37:53 GMT

Yeah, I'd say that fits pretty well.

I find it sort of ironic that stress and depression seem to be a hot topic in the updates I've been looking through this morning (haven't had time to check the blogs in a bit), with the fact that I've been looking a lot at just how much I let things get to me, and how I often react to the situations around me. You wouldn't see it from outside closed doors, or without coming up on what is meant to be a suddenly-needed private moment, but I'm a very easily cracked person. I typically handle these things on my own, trying to hide them even from my fiance', because I know it upsets him to see me upset, but I lose my cool more often than not.

It's been years since I first began to wonder if I might suffer from depression, anxiety disorder, or some other form of stress-inducing something-or-other. I've never really looked into it, because I figured I was just being silly, that I'm just a high stress kind of person or something. Here lately, though, I've begun to really wonder again...

Maybe it's just because we have a lot of stress points lately, but it's really started to make me think about looking into the whole thing. We just moved into an apartment, so money has been tight this first month with getting things to stock the place, buying more groceries than we used to need to buy, pulling an extra chunk out of each paycheck for the new bills, along with what we pull out for the preexisting bills, etc. On top of that, I've got this pain in my arse at work who seems to think he is just about the greatest thing since sliced bread. He has not only lied about me, lied to me, stabbed me in the back, and tried to do the same to others, but is also now the cause of my being pulled out of the cafe' (a job I absolutely loved) and being put on the book floor (a job I absolutely hate... mostly due to the disorder everyone else leaves it in). Let's top his list off with the fact that he has also attempted to spread rumors about my fiance' around the workplace. At this point, one more thing out of him is earning him a report to Corporate about Harrassment. Now, put in with that the fact that I just got off my pill due to insurance running out, no time to get new insurance, and no extra money to do so either... so my hormones are out of whack, and my oh-so-wonderful time 'o the month keeps coming later and later. Last month, it was two days, which is enough to freak me out for those two days since I've always (even before pills) been a same-day-every-month person. This month, it was almost a week, and I was losing my mind. This may not sound like a huge deal to other women who are used to theirs coming at different days and that sort of thing, but, for me, it's completely unheard of... and sends me over the deep end every time.

I've always freaked over the little things. Always. I've always been easily depressed. Always. What I've now begun asking myself is whether I shouldn't see a doctor, whether I shouldn't make sure that this is (or isn't) just me being me. Sure, there's more points for the stress to come from now, but that doesn't really explain why I've always been this way. And, of course, with more stress points, it's become worse. I find myself randomly crying for unknown reasons at least once a month now... it used to be once every few. I find myself laughing less, and less talkative. It took me some time to open up to my friends here, and now I find myself slinking back into that little corner that I was in when I first moved. Sure, I'm still comfortable with them and all, and I still see them as my friends, but I'm too busy thinking about everything else going on, all the little worries, and what-not, to even think about anything else half the time. My random comments here and there are usually only sparked by conversations I've been side-lining for at least ten to fifteen minutes, and just finally worked up the nerve to interject on. This is coming from a usually very talkative (once open) person.

I dunno. Maybe these things are normal, and I'm simply overreacting.

Are you a high-stress person? Do the little things get to you, or is it just the big ones you actually stress over? Have you ever found yourself unintentially withdrawing yourself from your friends and family? And the big one, how do you cope with stress?

Stepparents

Wed, 24 Sep 2008 16:17:04 GMT

I just wanted to take the full comment I left on a recent blog by Mama Pig, and move it to my own blogs... as it was a big long. Just my viewpoint into life with stepparents.

<quote>'I've had numerous step-parents over the years. My mother is married for the fourth time now, and my father for the third.

My mother's second husband was a great father to me while they were married. And, even after they split, he continued to be a big father figure in my life, and I still visited him when my sister (his daughter) would visit. He is now a close friend of mine, and still holds a degree of that father figure to me as well.

Her third husband was a nice guy, and he tried to treat us like we were his own. He really did a good job, but both he and my mother left us a bit stranded for a while there when they got a bit addicted to Everquest. When that marriage ended, we had a bit of a rough time for a little bit, until we got into a new place and started pulling things together again.

My mother is still with her fourth husband, a very good man from what I've seen. He takes wonderful care of her, and my sister. Even now that I'm moved out, he's always calling just to see how things are going, and I know he would give me the world if he could.

My father's second wife didn't have much influence on my life, but she did have me over to visit while I was visiting my grandmother at one point. She's a nice woman when she wants to be, but definitely not a mother figure in any way. I don't think I would have been too happy living with her at any point.

His wife now I did live with for a while. She's a good woman, and has always been pretty good to me. She's one of those fun moms, but is also rather strict when there's something she doesn't agree with. For the year I was living with my father and her, things got pretty rough for a bit. She was too strict for me, really, especially since I often got in trouble for things I hadn't done and that sort of thing. I dunno... She treats me like her own daughter, and I love her to death, but I don't think I would have wanted to live with her for too long. Maybe if certain situations hadn't come up to make things so rough that year.

Anyways... I don't want to ever be a step-parent, now do I ever want to leave the father of my future children, but if it ever came up, I would definitely treat them like my own. The way I was raised, the children in a community are the responsibility of everyone to a degree, so, if I were ever to be a stepparent, I would definitely have no issue being able to treat them as though they were my own children, but also keeping in mind that they do have a biological mother who they will want to see, impress, and be around when they can. I wouldn't expect them to ever see me as their real mother, nor treat me as such, but I would seek the same respect if I were the one caring for them.'</quote>

In the Groove

Sat, 05 Jul 2008 13:47:13 GMT

So, I went to work yesterday feeling great... and my new bra let me see a definite improvement in how much my back was hurting by the time I got home. Relaxed from vacation, and feeling refreshed... I started work in a truly great mood... and it lasted all day, for the most part. A couple bumps, but they were easily conquered.

Now... the last few weeks at work, I've been having trouble always making percentage. When I started working there, I was really good at at least making percentage selling Discount Cards, if not going above and beyond. But, the last few weeks, I often found myself one or two cards under, and even had one night where I did over $1500 worth of business, without a single Discount Card (we're supposed to sell one for every $360).

Last night... we didn't do a whole lot of business, but my Discount Cards percentage was back to how it used to be. See, we're supposed to have at least a 4%. Last night, I only had about $550-600 worth of sales, with... five cards, I believe? Maybe four. Anyway.. I had over an 11% on my percentage. The best part about this, other than the extra money it puts on my paycheck... the better you are with card and magazine sales, the more likely you are to get more hours. In other words, higher percentage = much better paycheck.

My manager gave me a congratulations over the intercom last night, thanked me for doing so well, and told me exactly what I already knew... Vacation was exactly what I needed. I'm back to being great at my job, and relaxed in the work place once more.

I mean, yeah... of course I'm going to get frustrated at times, and I'm sure it'll start wearing on me eventually... but, for now, life is actually in a good swing again. And I'm going to find ways to relieve the stress a bit, so it doesn't mount up as bad as it did last time... I want to stay this happy, relaxed person. I want to continue doing a great job at work because of my good attitude... and I want to keep NOT driving everyone around me insane with my constant stress-outs.

So long as everything keeps up this way, our raises, and Bryan's promotion, look to also be making a nice effect. We're already pulling in a good bit better than we expected, which means we should be able to get our own place pretty soon. And, on top of that, as long as I can keep the hours going like they are now, I should be able to start back to school sometime in the near future. And, once that's done, then maybe we can finally have life settled enough to comfortably bring a child into this world. We should be married by then, and we'll at least have an apartment, if not better...

Yay for brighter outlook!
Hehe

Back to Life as Usual

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 15:11:59 GMT

Very long... and filled simply with details of vacation.

So, vacation was wonderful.
On the twenty-fifth, we drove up with a friend of ours to Raleigh, North Carolina for a Mindless Self Indulgence concert. We lost ourselves in the music, and I got a little too into it, having to step out for the last song so that I could take a couple hits off my inhaler before passing out in the crowd. On the way up, we also got these friggin amazing 20 oz porter steaks at this truck stop called the Iron Skillet. 14.99 for one of the best steaks I've ever head, a salad and soup bar, desert bar, and some amazing mashed potatoes. When the concert was over, we headed back home. Having already packed everything for our trip into the van, we were here just long enough to pick up Bryan's father so that he could drive us to the airport and we wouldn't have to leave a vehicle there.

With our flight leaving at 5:35, we had to rush to the airport, and made it there just in time to get through before they closed it off to us (you have to have at least half an hour before your flight, or they won't even check you in). So, then it was off to security where we had a bit of a tiff over something stupid. Onwards, and onto the plane, and we were soon on our way. We had a medium plane for the trip to Charlotte, North Carolina, and it went by pretty quickly. Then, we got to sit in an airport for three hours. During this time, we managed to get cups and milk from the nearby Starbucks so that we could eat some of the Apple Zings we brought with us for breakfast. Hehe
Then... onto the next plane. Good, standard sized plane this time. The woman sitting with us was a bit chatty at first, but soon passed out and was silent for the rest of the trip. We soon arrived in Chicago, where we practically melted at the smell of pizza all around us, especially knowing we had no money to get any. Two hours there, and onto the next, and smallest, plane of our trip. It was one of those itsy bitsy planes where everyone is nice and cramped, and there's hardly any room to even think about moving around.
Though it was the longest leg of our trip to Arkansas, it still didn't take long, and we were soon exiting the plane into the Little Rock airport. Onto baggage claim, where I got to be nice and ticked off at the idiots who can't even do a simple job like loading luggage without somehow screwing it up. We get down to the claim for our flight, and wait... after a while, we hear the message that all luggage for our flight has come through, and that anyone who doesn't have theirs should check at the office. So, off we go... our bags are there, yay... and the larger of the two is broken... yay goes out the window. Along with the luggage is a slip of paper, informing me that I can't even file a claim for my bag, as the wheels and handle on it mean that it has jutting parts and, therefore, is not their fault. In other words... Don't EVER expect these morons to compensate you for a broken bag because 3/4 of the luggage people use nowadays has, what? Oh yeah!! WHEELS! *sigh*
On the upside, it was just the wheels that were busted, and Bryan is a total sweetheart, and wouldn't let me carry it... so it could have been worse.

So, yay... airport done with, and we were on our way to my step-grandmother's. We chatted for a few, and soon headed to the hotel to drop off our stuff. There was to be a bbq sort of thing that night, but we were both exhausted at this point, especially Bryan, so we opted to get some sleep before joining everyone else. A nice nap, amazing shower, fresh set of clothes, and few hours later, we gave my stepmother a call to come pick us up. Heading over to my Aunt's, we got to chit-chat with everyone for a bit, and soon joined in on the Rock Band craziness. Everyone got really into it, and we had a total blast... until someone mentioned putting away Rock Band and doing Karaoke... then it was time for us to go. As much as I love singing, I didn't feel like dealing with that at the time, and neither did Bryan.

The next few days consisted of sleep, wedding preparations, Assassin's Creed, Incredible Hulk, and... on the twenty-eighth, my aunt was married. Four children came first, but she is now happily married to the father of those kids. It was a very nice little wedding. Though it was originally to be outside, we ended up having to hold it inside, due to rain, although it stopped shortly thereafter so everyone was still able to go outside, relax, have fun, and all that jazz.

On the morning of the twenty-ninth, I woke up around 7:30 and began packing. By 9:30, Bryan and I were loaded in my car (which I had just been handed the notarized Bill of Sale, title, etc. for), and began following my parents to Louisiana. It was a longish trip, but relaxing. I was able to get some reading in, as was Bryan, and we both enjoyed the alone time together... though we were both happy (me moreso, of course) when we arrived at my Grandmother's. Once inside, I was happy to see that my Aunt was also there, with her kids... though not so happy to see that my grandmother now has to have oxygen at all times because she caught pneumonia, and they didn't catch it soon enough. She's still just as strong as ever, though, and seems to be doing just fine. We got the back room, with the computer, which was nice since it meant I could check my e-mail and what-not a lot easier. :P

Popeye's for dinner that night, and then a night of restful sleep, despite the somewhat short bed. We woke the next morning, had Apple Zings for breakfast, and hung out with the family all morning. Around two or so, we all headed down to New Orleans. Keep in mind... despite what everyone seems to think, the place is not still under water. :P
Having been born in Baton Rouge, this is home to me... and I was happy to see that, although some businesses, clubs, etc. have not returned, the city already has a good foothold toward being what it used to be. We wandered the streets for a few hours, had beignets, drinks, etc. throughout the day, picked up a few souvenirs, and soon found ourselves wishing my grandparents, brother, and niece and nephew a good trip back home before heading off for our evening fun.

And oh what a night it was...
The original plan was for all four of us (my parents, Bryan, and myself) to go on the vampire tour. Well... that plan fell through, to an extent. Rather than going with us, my parents asked me if we'd mind them going to sit in a Blues club while we took the tour. We were to meet up for dinner afterwards, and then we'd all walk around for a bit...
Okay, sure. So... Bryan and I went on the tour, and had a total blast. Our guide was amazing, because he really got into it, and gave us not only the stuff that was supposed to be on the tour, but also all the interesting research he'd done into these occurrences, along with the history of the places we visited.
Toward the end of the tour, I noticed that I'd gotten a few voicemails from my parents. So, on our way to the last stop, and while waiting for our guide to use the restroom, and other people to get drinks, I checked what they had been calling about. Keep in mind, three fourths of what I could hear in these messages was just the clubs and bars they were at, so I had a good bit of trouble understanding them... but I got the gist. My stepmother left her purse somewhere at one point, so they had to go get it, I was to call them when we got done, or when we were ready to meet up, etc...
So, when we finished our tour... I give my father a call. After a bit of walking, and continually thinking we were lost when we weren't, we soon made our way back to Bourbon Street, where we met up with my parents... and OMG were they drunk. I've never seen my father drunk before, so I found this hilarious at first... though my stepmother trying to dance on every street poll we passed was more embarassing than anything. I continued to find my father's drunken sobriety rather humorous... until I realized that we were just going to head home, because neither he nor my stepmother had the sense to really ask us what we wanted to do for the most part. Bryan had to drive, though my father still gave directions perfectly, and we were soon home. My stepmom went straight to bed, and my father stepped inside... then I got to cry with Bryan for a bit...
Although my father still knows what he's talking about when he's drunk.... he's a bit of an ass at times, which got a bit upsetting, as I'm sure you can guess. While talking with Bryan, my father stepped outside with us. He noticed that I was upset, and asked me for a five... which I soon realized was just to get me to stop hiding my face... because he then asked why I was crying. I made some silly excuse, and, after talking with us a bit (a decent step toward sober now), he went back inside. We followed shortly thereafter, and headed to bed.

The next day was a good bit more calm. We hung out with everyone that morning, and headed to New Orleans alone around one or so. We walked around a bit, had me try on this amazing corset at one point, picked up this really nice little mask at one of the street vendors, found the Boutique du Vampyre where we picked up a couple Vamps (Spencer's used to carry them, but I haven't found them in forever... best energy drink, ever), and tried to find one of the little Voodoo Shops we'd seen the day before. We found a more correct one, but never the little charm-filled ones we'd been trying to locate. *shrug*

Around fivish, we decided it was time to head home. I'd told my grandmother we'd be home for dinner... so staying any longer would have made us late. Traffic was a drag getting out of the city, but once we were out of that, it was a nice trip back. I caught a few Zzz's, and we made a quick U-turn for Snow Cones shortly before getting back to my grandmother's. We spent the night with my family, having one of my grandmother's amazing home-cooked meals, and eventually headed to bed. I made sure most of our stuff was packed for the next morning, and then we got some sleep.

The next morning...
We woke around 7. Had the last of our Apple Zings, chatted with everyone for a bit... and left around 7:45, with me in tears. I always hate leaving my family... I don't get to see them really often, and knowing that I was leaving Louisiana again really stung at me. As I stated, it's home for me... and no one likes leaving a place they feel so strongly connected to.

The drive back was long, but relaxing. We switched off in three-hour intervals, stopping for pizza, small breaks, and snacks along the way. It was one a.m. by the time we got home, with a good twelve hours driving, and most of our breaks taking a good half hour. We made it on two tanks of gas, which was awesome... and still had some money left over from what my parents gave us when we got home.

Yesterday, we went to court. We got there just a tad late, but right on time for when everything started. He went through names and, when he called us, we got a nice weight lifted off our shoulders. Rather than 375 dollars and Bryan losing his license, our ticket was reduced to 180, and he only got four points. With his previously perfect record, that means that he can take a course in a few months, when the points show up, and get four points removed... which will put him back to clean. So, with 195 dollars of non-devoted money in our pocket, we went to pick up a good friend of mine. We ordered pizza for her and one of her roommates because the idiot that is my ex. ate all the food in the house, and left them with nothing for the last week and a half. After that, we took her over to Wal-Mart so she could get some shopping done, and then dropped her back off at home.

Then it was a relaxing night of movies, popcorn, and fun for us...
And today, we start back to work.

Life is back to usual, I suppose... but vacation was definitely nice.

Best parents EVER!

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 15:03:41 GMT

So, I just had to get this up somewhere, and I'm probably going to end up chatting about it in more than one place.

I'm really excited about the next week or so. My fiance' and I are flying to Arkansas on Thursday to be with my parents, some grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. for my Aunt's wedding. Now, while I barely even know this aunt, and don't even remember her name, really, I'm still very excited about everything else that's going to be going on, and I'm happy to see that someone in my family is getting married, and going to be happy.

My birthday was in May, see... and my father told me that they were going to give me their old car when I came for the wedding, as a birthday present, because they got a new car. I've driven this car before, for a year while I was living with him, actually. Here in the last couple weeks, I've been really worried, though, about whether we'd have the gas money to actually get back here and everything. All that worry got completely wiped out yesterday.

I was on the phone with my stepmother and, as we were chatting, came to be informed that they not only put 1600 dollars worth of repairs into the car just to make sure that I wouldn't have to worry about anything for quite some time, but they are also giving me a couple hundred dollars for gas/food to get back to South Carolina at the end of our vacation, and they are going to help with the down payment on my insurance. I almost cried when she told me all of this, because it felt like the worldly weight that was coming down on my shoulders was lifted for a while. My money worries and everything else are officially dead for a little while, and I even relaxed so far as to get dinner for my fiance', a good friend of ours, and myself.

On top of this, she was talking about all the stuff they want to do with us while we're there, and they're getting us our own hotel room, which we're REALLY looking forward to. Living where we are at the moment, it's really hard to feel like we have any true alone time, with all the constant interruptions, and annoyances. It'd be one thing if this was stuff we cared about, if it wasn't just stupid crap... but it's not. So... having a few days with our own hotel room where we can go to bed together and not have to worry about what craziness we're going to wake up to the next morning is going to be so very nice.

They have a bunch of stuff they want to do while we're in Arkansas, of course, and then my stepmom was saying how they want to go up to New Orleans while we're in Louisiana and take us out on the town and everything. I'm even more excited about this now than I ever was when I was younger...
See, I was born in Louisiana, and I've seen a lot of it and all... but I haven't been there in a few years, and this will be the first time that I'm there as an adult... which means there is going to be so much more I can explore... and I don't have to have someone watching me, or holding my hand, the entire time (though I fully plan on holding my fiance's hand, if we're not just doing the cuddle-walk as usual, hehe).

I really just feel so good right now, seeing everything finally seem to fall into place around me. I've been so worried about everything lately, it's like a beam of moonlight brightening the world around me for the first time in months.

And, on top of everything... this will be the first time my father has really had to meet one of my boyfriends. He met one in the past, but that was more just because he came to hang out with me while I was living there than anything. This time, he's actually flying my fiance' out there with me, and we get to do the meet-the-parents dance. Bryan was really scared and nervous at first, saying that no one's father has ever liked him before, but now he's just really excited, especially with the fact that my father is just as much of, if not more of, a geek as Bryan and I... so they'll have plenty to chat about, even if it's just mindless silliness. And, of course, I'm super excited about it.

Thank you.

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 14:19:34 GMT

I really just wanted to thank everyone who's left comments for me thus far. The advice that has been left here has been a big help to me, and my confidence in our situation and eventually having children. I know we'll never be truly financially 'ready' to have children, save for some miracle happening... but I don't feel like we have to wait for the perfect financial point. If we do, we'll never have children at all. Of course, this doesn't mean we're going to start trying to have them now, we still have other things to take care of... like getting a place of our own, and being secure in our jobs (fiance' already is, but I'm stuck between keeping a job I really enjoy but can't move up in for another two years, and finding a desk job where I'll make more money, but not enjoy my job even nearly as much).

As for our friend...
I'm still a bit upset with her, because, as mentioned before, her comment really stung me. I plan on talking to her when I get some time to actually do so, so that she can understand how I feel. I am happy that she and D are having a baby... I know it will make them both very happy, especially D. It's just upsetting to see the way she's treating the whole thing right now. And this is also a woman who's always seemed to have two very different sides... one of which I love hanging around and being friends with, the other of which I absolutely hate, because of the way she treats people behind their backs, whether she means to or not.

Anyway...
I've been able to bring things back to a steady emotion now, rather than the highs and lows I was going through with everything currently going on around us. We should be getting our own place in the next few months, which means we can really begin building our life together, without other influence upon it. We'll be able to spend time alone, in the privacy of our own home... and not have to worry about what new argument is going to arise when we step out of the bedroom.
It's funny, actually... the stress in our life that does not have to do with family members, we can handle. We go through it together, and there's no issue. But, currently, we are between apartments, due to some issues with our old roommate, and we're stuck living with his parents for a couple months. And, while this wouldn't be a problem if it were just his parents (despite being on totally different schedules, and getting very little sleep at times)... his brother has got to be the biggest jerk I've ever met. He enjoys stealing from others, and then yelling and screaming when he finds that something of his might be missing. He also loves sitting there with his 14-year-old, pregnant girlfriend and making some rather harsh comments to try to hurt me, knowing that his father was already in bed, and wanting to cause a fight between he and my fiance. *sigh*
Anyway... as I was saying. Place of our own, getting our life sorted, my getting secure in my job, and hopefully starting college. To be perfectly honest, I want to wait. I mean, as much as I really want to bring life into this world, as much as I want to be a mother... I have dreams, goals, and ambitions that I want to see fulfilled... and those won't be as easy to accomplish once a baby enters the picture. So, we'll get our life moving, and I'll start college... get my degree in math and education, and start teaching. And then we can fulfill this dream of a child, a dream which, before, seemed so unattainable, like we'd never be ready for it... a dream which is now much brighter, and clearer in my mind.

Jealousy

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 07:01:18 GMT

Ugh...
So, as previously stated... my fiance' and I are both very deep into our mommy/daddy instincts right now. It's been hitting pretty hard lately, and it really struck home just this past Saturday, when we came to find out that a friend of ours was pregnant. Though we're happy for her, and her boyfriend (another very good friend of ours), I couldn't help that jealousy was the first feeling that really struck me. She's six weeks at the moment, and it was an accident... though he is very happy about it.
Again, very happy for them... but can't help being jealous, and I feel like I'm having it constantly rubbed in my face. The night that they announced it to everyone (fiance' and I already knew), D (the expectant father) commented that it was 'my turn'. I laughed a little, and told him that I wished... that the only reason we didn't is because we didn't have the funds to even really think about it, and that, in all honesty, my first feeling in the matter was jealousy, despite how happy I am for him.
Now, I guess L (expectant mother) could just be going through pissy phases, and thinks she's some sort of awesome person all of a sudden or something... but she made a comment the other night that really hurt the hell out of me.

We were at a friend's place, just chatting for a bit, when she showed up. We were all having a good time and all, and I don't exactly remember what the conversation was about, but it resulted in her commenting about how she had to sit in the Medicaide office for six hours the next morning. Of course, it sounded like a complaint to me, which did nothing more than annoy the hell out of me. If I were in her shoes, I'd be happy... I wouldn't mind sitting in an office for a few hours if it meant I was doing what needed to be done to bring a healthy new life into this world. There are other things as well, things that she should be doing for the health of her child, things that she is not doing yet... or that she is not doing the way she should be. For instance, the fact that she has been smoking marijuana since long before I met her, and, when I asked if she was quitting that as well as smoking, she informed me that they were going to finish the small bag she has left and that was it. I'm sorry, but if you're pregnant, you shouldn't be smoking it at all... I mean, you shouldn't be smoking it in the first place, much less infecting your unborn child with that...
Anyway... comment about sitting in the office for 6 hours. So, a few moments later, I got a tad annoyed with my fiance' about something else... and, really, it was just stress about our situation at the moment as far as finances, and a good few other things, making me a little more irritable than usual. So, I said I was going home, and went to hop in the car... though I fully planned on waiting for him to be ready to go... I just didn't want to be in there anymore.
Later that evening, I'm regaled with the tail of how, when I left, L made a comment near to "See, that's what I mean." And, when asked what she meant, she explained, "Liz is so jealous, but the fact that she's so jealous shows that she's not ready to have a child."
I'm sorry? This coming from the woman who can't keep a job, smokes pot every day, and talks about the whole situation in tones that would suggest that it is more of a burden than a joy to her?
Is it wrong of me to be upset?
Should I simply blow it off as her being hormonal? Or should I actually take offense?
It really hurts to know that someone I thought was a friend could say something so cruel...